Turkey by Mark A. Hicks, illustrator

For the Wicked Witch of the West, it was water. Finding the antidote for Occupy Boston has been more difficult. Very little will keep the 24/7 protestors from their tent city– not rain, not cold, not snow, not violence, not illness. But there is one thing that will lure Occupiers out of their Colemans and away from the Rose Kennedy Greenway, and his name is Tom. I don’t mean Mayor Thomas Menino. I’m talking about Tom the Turkey.

According to the Boston Herald, many Occupiers will be going home for Thanksgiving. Others will head to Franklin Park for a donated meal.  This means that tomorrow the Greenway will be largely unoccupied.

As the Herald reports, Menino would have the opportunity to move in on the movement. But so far he hasn’t indicated he’s about to show Occupiers the door (flap, rather). So poultry can do what the law can’t. And all it takes is moms home cookin’ for the die-hard protestors to leave in droves.

It’s all so ridiculous that it sounds less like reality and more like an episode of South Park. But a cartoon version could remedy the issue faster than Boston officials. Cartman and company would liquefy turkey, load it into Super Soakers, and infiltrate the camp. While the Tryptophan in the turkey put the Occupiers to sleep, South Park townies would take back their land. Simple as that.

But we’re not talking about a fictional town; we’re talking about the Hub. You know, the city that can’t legally reclaim Dewey Square because a judge ruled Occupiers can’t be evicted.

And let’s be realistic, even if we could hear crickets chirping in Camp Occupy we wouldn’t take it back– not when it could interfere with plans to camp out for Black Friday shopping. So there’s a more sensible solution, and bird’s the word. Families of occupiers should just cook more turkey.