If you’re the type of person who will join a gym, go twice, and auto pay for two years in exchange for a tote bag– then Planet Fitness is for you.

If you’re the type of person who will sign up for a gym but only use it for tanning, then Planet Fitness is for you.

If you’re the type of person who likes to eat bagels, tootsie rolls, and pizza at the gym, then Planet Fitness is for you.

However, if you’re serious about working out and getting some muscle tone, you had better stay away. Planet Fitness has recently put out a mass advisory through television and radio ads warning the public that men who are large (due to muscle, not body fat) need not apply for membership.

In fact, Planet Fitness, the self-titled “Judgment Free Zone” openly judges buff men and stereotypes them as unintelligent Gorilla Juice Heads. (Snookie’s future boyfriend doesn’t work out here.) Besides characterizing jacked guys in their latest radio ad as baby-crushers, Planet Fitness also uses public humiliation to keep buff guys from returning to their gym.

Muscular men are kept at bay with a shame-inducing device called the “Lunk Alarm.” Employees set off flashing lights and a siren whenever a member drops weights or grunts too loudly.

But if you have offensive body odor, or leave your sweat for another person to sit on instead of wiping down your machine– that’s ok. Planet Fitness only embarrasses people who get too involved in their workouts.

So if you’re joining a gym to appease your doctor who told you you’re unhealthy, or you’re joining because your partner is no longer attracted to you– and not because you actually plan on working out– then Planet Fitness is for you.

If you enjoyed this post, you might also like these other Planet Fitness stories: How to Avoid a Stinker at the Gym, Don’t Eat Where You Sweat, and The Moment of Truth.